Holiday Gatherings: A Good Time for Calm, Clear Family Conversations
- Darrell Cartwright
- 4 days ago
- 2 min read
As the holidays approach, many of us look forward to familiar routines — sharing meals, catching up with loved ones, and maybe even watching a little football together. What we don’t look forward to are the hard conversations. But sometimes those conversations are the very things that spare our families stress later.
I’m not talking about politics or old family grievances. I’m talking about something far more practical: what happens when someone gets sick, becomes unable to manage finances, or passes away. No one likes to imagine those situations, but every family is eventually forced to face them. The difference is whether you confront them on your terms — when everyone is calm — or when you’re in the middle of a crisis.
𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘉𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘔𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵
Most families only get the chance to gather in the same room once or twice a year. When everyone is healthy and in good spirits, it’s easier to talk through topics like:
• Who would handle medical decisions if someone couldn’t speak for themselves
• Where important documents are kept
• What someone’s wishes are for their property
• Who is expected to step into certain roles — executor, trustee, agent under a power of attorney, etc.
The point isn’t to interrogate anyone or disclose every financial detail. The point is to make sure the people you love aren’t left guessing in the dark someday.
𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘙𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘛𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘙𝘶𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘺
This is where most people get nervous. But done correctly, it doesn’t have to feel heavy or uncomfortable.
Here are a few suggestions:
• Pick your moment. The middle of carving the turkey isn’t ideal. A quiet coffee the next morning or a walk after dinner works much better.
• Set expectations beforehand if you can. A simple message like, “At some point this weekend, I’d like to talk briefly about some planning matters,” helps people be mentally prepared.
• Keep the conversation short and focused. This isn’t the time for long explanations about specific bequests or old resentments. Just cover what matters most: “Here’s what I’ve done,” or “Here’s what I’m thinking about doing,” or “I want to make sure you’re protected.”
• Acknowledge the emotions without avoiding the topic. It’s perfectly fine to say, “I know this isn’t the most fun thing to talk about, but I’d rather we talk about it now than leave you stressed later.”
You might be surprised at how relieved people feel once the subject is addressed openly and respectfully.
𝘈 𝘓𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘗𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘗𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘢 𝘓𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘓𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳
Whether the discussion leads to updating your will, putting a power of attorney in place, or simply clarifying where documents are kept, you will be doing your family a real favor. The gift of clear communication is one of the most meaningful — and least expensive — gifts you can give.
If you’re unsure how to begin the conversation or if your own planning documents need to be created or updated, I’m here to help. You can reach me anytime, and we can make sure your family is protected and informed.
(205) 222-5900
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